for i know the plans i have for you...

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD.  "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

Thy beauty fills my soul...

Starting this week John and I have taken on the responsibility of leading worship at our church. We've been helping out with the transition over the last month or so, but always with the guiding hand of our worship leader, Kyle. Now we're on our own and we have his notes and tips, but it still seems like a daunting task. It's exciting, but it still just seems like so much to take care of. Everyday we need to be doing something in preparation for the following Sunday whether it be e-mailing people to remind them that they're playing, picking songs that deal with the topic or meeting with Pastor Paul or whoever is teaching to see how our songs fit into the overall order of the service. It really isn't that bad although it does add to a bit more of what I have to do throughout the week and I'm sure I'll feel the strain of it more next semester when I start taking classes again. Kyle did give me some helpful advice though. He said not to let responsibilities to the church overwhelm my time with my family. There needs to be a balance between the two or else I'll only be giving pieces of myself to them both and that's not fair to either of them.

So, that's what I'm doing this week. Preparing to lead worship and trying to coordinate things with everyone else who is a part of it so we can welcome the congregation into God's presence. It's an awesome responsibility, and it will definitely bring with it much joy, but again it's a lot of work. Pray for John and myself that we will not get burned out during this experience and that it will only bring with it a lot of joy, and that will it will carry with it more positive memories than negative ones.

in your eyes i am complete...

It's an unbearably slow day at work today. The time change just makes everything seem so much longer! Although there are good points to the time change. For example: Mari and I were able to sleep in till 10:30 on Sunday morning and it felt like we got an extra hour of sleep because we did. We needed that hour too, on Saturday I had to open at work so I was up by 5:45 in the AM, and our plans kept me up all day until about 1:30 on Sunday morning. We had a virtual birthday extravaganza if you will for Bryan. We had a birthday dinner at our house where we loaded up on some delicious cavatini, garlic bread, and salad. We followed that up with the only thing that would logically follow a large Italian feast...an evening at World of Fun Amusement Park. We got lost on the way there, and some of us weren't the best of moods when we arrived at the park, but alas it is an amusement park after all so we quickly snapped out of it after our first rollercoaster. That was a great time with the exception of the extremely disappointing Haunted House. I kid you not we waited in the longest line that we would have to wait in all night for that stupid thing. We waited for two hours to go through a crappy Haunted House with too many fog machines and too many strobe lights! Other theme parks really should take a lesson from Disney...they would never let that crap fly in one of their parks.

There's really not a lot to say about yesterday...it was just a lazy day. Although I did see an amazing Dallas Cowboys game last night! Tonight I'm watching the Vikings game when I get home!

i win

It's been awhile. I haven't had much to say lately and frankly I was trying to stay away from this blogging stuff (as no one reads this anyway), but alas work couldn't go by any slower today so here I am.

So what's current?

Well, the setbacks are in a bit of a transition period right now. We realized that we spent too much time last year aiming for the stars and in the process we ended up not playing too many shows and not being very happy. Which seems kind of like a strange situation. I think we just got too caught up in talking ourselves out of doing things because we have to do it perfectly or something. Also a lot of the songs we've been playing really aren't a good reflection of who we are as a band. That's mainly due to the fact that when we started no one else was writing music but me, but now we're all songwriters. So we're not completely rejecting everything, but we're going to be more selective about what old songs we keep and focus on writing new material in the new year. Adam's going to study at a recording school in Arizona for a year and then after that we'll be reborn from the ashes like a phoenix or something. A name change may be in store too.

Home life is good. My folks just moved to Lawrence, and it's really great to have them around. We've spent a lot of time catching up with them and letting them catch up with Joel.

This weekend Mari and I will be seeing the Nightmare Before Christmas in 3-D, on Saturday the setbacks are playing a show in Manhattan, KS, and then on Sunday Bryan, John and I are leading worship at Heartland.

So that's what's current. That's what you've been missing...

ministry of archers...

What is man, that you make so much of him, and that you set your heart on him, visit him every morning and test him every moment?
Job 7:17-18 ESV

I've been reading through the book of Job lately, and it's really been a powerful experience. I've read it before, but it's hitting me different this time. It used to really depress me, and now I really find myself relating to it. Not that my world has all come crashing down around me like Job's, but I guess I just really appreciate his honesty. He is honest enough to call God out, and ask him questions like that in the verse above. He also writes, "he (God) set me up as his target; his archers surround me." Job 16:12-13 ESV
Life really feels like that sometime. I know that God is good, and that I serve a loving, wondrous God, but at the same time there are days when it feels like God is out to get me. Everything goes wrong and I forget God and all His promises.
Keep me ever mindful of you, o Lord.

thou my best thought, by day and by night...

It's amazing how much I feel like I've been pulled through these last few weeks. We went from summertime relaxing, to Peter's wedding, our anniversary, to Mari starting school, to me working about double what I have been at work (which is a good thing), to getting everything together to lead worship at church on Sunday. Wow! Everything seems kind of fuzzy in my memory right now. I usually like to take life at a slower pace and have time to reflect on events and really let them sink in. I haven't had that time.
God grant me peace and strength, help me live one day at a time.

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow; praise him, all creatures here below; praise him above, you heavenly hosts; praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

paperback writer...

"Accept the next proposition you hear."
Jones Soda (fortune underneath the cap)

I don't know how long I'll keep this Jones Soda thing up. It just seems that I have to be drinking one before I write a new post. This probably has more to do with the fact that I do most of my writing while I'm at work than anything else.
Do you ever reach a point where you're practically begging to be intellectually stimulated? No book, nothing can satisfy my hunger to learn right now. I feel like I'm at an age where I should be accomplished at something or at least be ready to graduate from college, seeing as how I'm lacking in both of those departments I'm trying to make up for it by reading voraciously (I'm even using big words). I go through these periods from time to time. They usually last for a couple of months and then I don't feel like touching a book for a good long while. At that point the couch and the TV are my friends. It's funny now that I'm a husband and a father though there really isn't much time in the day for reading, so I've become kind of an insomniac too. I stay up till all hours of the night reading. I do a lot of my reading at work too. I think all this reading is my response to a desire to write. I really want to write, to write something beautiful, something meaningful, but since I won't be writing the Great American Novel anytime soon (or ever), I'll settle for reading the Great American Novel.

I'm currently reading:


which is neither American or a novel.

latersss....

"Your sense of humor will be your key to success."
Jones Soda (fortune underneath the cap).

That made me laugh. Mostly because I have such a great sense of humor!

thoughts on a verse...

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin."
Psalm 51:1-2 TNIV

What an honest verse!  Why don't we all react like that when we're convicted our sins?  Why don't I?  Why don't we all take the cross seriously?  Why don't I?

It's amazing how desensitized I can become.  How I can become so used to the idea of God himself being hung on a tree and killed that I can mention it in one breath and not pause to think about the gravity of what I've just said.  

God, make me ever mindful of You.  Make me aware of You and help me to never forget the awesome sacrifice You made.

i've got the fever...

I guess I've jumped on the World Cup bandwagon this year. I tried watching it back in 2002, but all the games were on TV at about 2 or 3 in the morning and I didn't have that kind of dedication back then. Fortunately al the games are on about 10 AM and 2 PM this year, so I'm able to watch them with Joel or keep track of them when I'm on the computer at work (which is the case right now). I was pulling for the US even though I felt like we were highly overrated going into the World Cup. Now I'm hoping England and Brasil (no, that's not misspelled) will both advance. I really like the style of play that both teams have. Brasil plays a lot more aggressively than other teams. I think that's why they dominate! I like England too, their style seems to be a bit more reserved and classy.
So what I'm trying to say is that I'm slowing converting to the sport of soccer (or football as the rest of the world knows it). After the World Cup I want to start watching Premier League soccer. A friend of mine and huge soccer fan told me it's the best soccer in the world. Well, back to the game! Go France!

you are strength to me...

I feel weak, like I need to be carried.  I thought growing up would be easier than it is.  I can do grown-up things like get married and become a father and still not feel very mature.  I don't feel like the kind of "super dad" or "super husband" that I want to be.  I want to be the kind of man that makes his entire family feel safe just by his presence.  I want my family to know that their loved and protected.  I want to be superman.

all in all it's not so bad...

Work couldn't pass by any slower tonight. Really it couldn't, every hour has felt like three hours and I've only been here for three hours so it feels like nine hours. That was a really awkward sentence, but I'm leaving it.
The Setbacks played a show at South Park last night. It was really therapeutic. We played like a well-oiled machine and the only mishap we had was when I broke a string and went to switch guitars at the exact time that Bryan decided to stop playing to tune his guitar. It felt a lot better than our last show. I remember leaving our last show and not even wanting to hear compliments from the people that came because I was sure they were all lying since I felt so bad about how we played. Last night was different though, what people said or didn't say didn't matter. All that mattered was that we had a great time playing, and honestly I think every show should be that way! I wish I didn't have to hear from other people before I can make up my own mind about how the show went. I wish I could always feel like I did last night where I was confident enough to know it went alright.
I'm so tired right now. All the double shifts I've worked this week plus the show last night have really drained me. I just have to make it through tonight and work tomorrow and then I can relax tomorrow night. I think Mari and I might go see a movie. We haven't done that in awhile so it should be nice.

misty water-colored memories...

I was reminded last night of how lucky I truly am. When I arrived home from work last night Mari and our friend, Amber were up watching home videos from our senior year of high school. I'm always up for a trip down memory lane so I stayed up and watched some of the video with them. It was funny to me to watch those movies and see how I followed Mari around like a little puppy dog even though I was dating somebody else at the time that some of those events took place. I say I was reminded of how lucky I am because I realized that this same girl I chased and pursued is the same woman that I go to sleep next to every night and the same woman I wake up next to every morning! I guess I haven't thought about that for awhile. We get so caught up in the craziness of our days (school, work, taking care of Joel, band practice, etc.) that I tend to forget how good I really have it!

i'd rather be knocked down than be knocked out...

Do you ever feel like everything is an uphill battle? I feel like I'm having to fight in every area of my life just to get an inch further up the mountain. If you've ever read this at all then you know my passions are my family and my band. Everything with my family is great except that Mari and I see each other even less now that she's working too. The plus side is I've had more time with Joel this semester though, so that's a real blessing! I actually get to see him when he learns new things now, not just hear about them. Things with the band have been going well too except that we never practice which can take a toll on a band. The last time we really practiced aggressively was right before our last show which was in March. We had a band meeting a week ago and it was really good because it seems like we were all about to burst with the things we've kept from each other for awhile. We haven't kept things from each other on purpose we just never see each other. A band is like a marriage and a lot of times when you don't see each other you get angry, but you're really only angry because you miss each other.
I'm just waiting for school to be over. School seems like the biggest obstacle and heaviest weight dragging me down. School keeps me from seeing my family as much as I would like to and it keeps me from seeing my band as much as I would like to.
I hate to write such a downer of a post. There's just so much going through my head right now and it's not all as positive as I would like it to be. Bear with me now...

days gone by...

I'm trying out this new widget thingy on my computer.  Apparently I can type this and then post it whenever I sign online later...so I can take more time with my posts or something.  Technology!

falling in love, it's a revelation...

It's another beautifully dreary day and again I find myself at work. Surrounded by the aroma of coffee and some other aroma which I'm not really sure what it is, but I know I don't like it. In fact I've been trying to track it to its source with my nose but I can't quite pin it down. It's been bothering me.
Anyway this week has been slower than most. I say that in a good way. I've really been in need of some time to slow down. Everything was so crazy for awhile and it's great to finally stop and breathe...especially now that spring is in the air. I love spring...it's nature's great do-over. If nature can have a do-over can't I? Why do we waste our time with New Year's resolutions? Everything is so dreary that time of year there's no way you're going to stick by your word, but spring resolutions, that's a great idea. If we made our resolutions in the spring we would be more apt to keep them, at least I would.
I'm falling in love again...in love with Marisol, in love with Joel, in love with life itself. I've never been out love with any of those things I'm just being drawn into a deeper appreciation of what it all means. I'm in love...

it was a good thing the donkey talked...

"So it was a good thing the donkey talked?"
"Yes, it was a good thing."

That was the conversation I had with a woman at Signs of Life this morning. She was asking me about the name of our coffee club, the Talking Donkey Club. I shared with her the story of the prophet Balaam (Numbers 22:21-41) and how his donkey had to warn him about the angel of the Lord blocking his path. It got me thinking that it's a good thing to open our mouths. It's good to help other people see what sometimes they can't see. I know that I've benefited from conversations with people or books I've read in which I've been told something that on my own I wasn't able to see. Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily routine that we miss what's right in front of us. We miss the budding of trees signaling the hope of spring just around the corner...we miss the smiles on the faces of others that are meant to show us that the world isn't out to get us...we miss out on life.
Mari and I have been talking about life lately and it convinces me more and more that my faith is absolutely necessary. My choice is between faith in a loving God who in turn teaches me to love others or in an empty nothingness...a life that lacks meaning or purpose...if I don't have faith then what am I living for? Why do I bother working or going to school or anything? Thinking about a life without faith scares me. I don't know if fear is a good starting place for faith, but I prefer the hope of faith to the fear of a life without faith.

why does it always rain on me?

This is about the quintessential day for working at a coffee shop. The world outside these doors is a beautiful gray and in the air you can sense that the rain is just taking a quick break before it starts up again. The world outside is cold and dreary, and here I am in the shelter of my warm coffeeshop. I'm safe from the elements outside in here with a couple of good books and the smell of espresso beans filling the air. Yes, days like today are why I love working in a coffeeshop. It's been really slow today too so I've been able to take my sweet time with the orders I have taken and I've had time to enjoy my books. Anyway I guess I'll get back to reading I just had to take sometime to reflect on the beauty that is a rainy day...

thoughts on being a unknown rockstar....

Man, the setbacks. are a rocking band! I know it sounds like I'm bragging (and I am and I should probably stop), but we were shut down by the cops for the second time in our short career today! In a short span of four songs John broke a drumstick, Bryan nearly fried his amp, I just about blew out my voice from screaming so much and the cops shut us down! It's practices like that that make me glad I'm in a band! This is all I want to do with my life!

you say it's your birthday...well, it's my birthday too yeah!

Well, Mari's birthday went off without a hitch. I was worried that I would screw things up or mess her day up somehow, but I don't think I did. I did opt to buy her a cake instead of making her one. I decided that making her breakfast and serving it to her in bed was good enough. Timing worked out just right too. I was able to finish burning off the CD with the compilation and my new song on it just in time to pick her up from school. It was great to surprise her with that song! Our whole Lawrence posse drove to Topeka and ate at the Olive Garden (her favorite restaurant). The funniest thing was Adam spoiled my gift for her! He blurted out in the car that we went shopping for a bike for her! Oh well, I think she was expecting it anyway. After the Olive Garden we ate my cake from Target and opened presents. It was really great day and I'm just glad she enjoyed herself. She even went wild and ordered a strawberry daiquri at the Olive Garden. She wasn't carded (one of the perks of having a kid...people think you're old). Um, I'm tired of typing so that's everything for now.

valentine's day and other thoughts...

So Valentine's Day has come and gone. Mari and I celebrated at home. I made her a candlelight dinner and we attempted to drink a bottle of wine. I say attempted because we quit drinking it after the first glass. My first wine experience was disappointing to say the least. We had a $15 bottle of Merlot and it tasted like crap. Oh well we had some back-up lingonberry sparkler in the fridge to save the day. Nothing like drinking something from the motherland (Sweden, that is). Mari was a sweetheart and she bought me a new wallet since my old one was falling apart (it was tearing at the seams from all those fat wads of cash I carry around!) Ha, that makes me laugh!
Anyway now I'm looking ahead to Mari's birthday. She turns 21 on Wednesday. I'm taking her to the Olive Garden to celebrate with our merry old gang of friends here in Lawrence. I spent the majority of this afternoon recording a song for her. It was a song I wrote for her for Valentine's Day 2003. It was probably one of the most satisfying recording experiences I've had in awhile. I'm starting to enjoy recording with just Adam. We don't always see eye-to-eye, but I feel like we come up with some really interesting ideas of things to do on songs, plus he really pushes me to sing better and get my guitar parts down. I'm putting the song at the end of a compilation CD of love songs that I made for her. I miss the old-fashioned mixtape. It was more of a labor of love. You had to craft each side and determine just how much time you had to fill before it cut off on you. Oh well...
Well, I think that about does it.

thoughts upon arrival

Why? Why am I doing to this to myself? I already have a xanga and a myspace so why?! Why must I start another one of these? I guess the most honest answer I can give is that this particular blog gives me freedom. I know abosolutely no one on blogger so I can ramble as much as I want and I can make a fool of myself as much as I want.
In the spirit of this newfound freedom I must confess to the world that I want to be a rock star. You have the right to know that is the greatest ambition I have at this time in my life. That and to be the best husband and father I can be (I've been married for almost two years to a beautiful woman named Marisol and I have a one year old son named, Joel Evan). Now trying to pursue both of these amibitions at the same time can get a little out of control. For example on an average day, I may only see my wife in passing in between classes at KU and recording vocals for my band's new EP. Then I'll grab a quick supper at home before heading off to work. As I said it can get to be a little out of control so I've been trying to slow things down...to slow things way down.
I'm tired of writing for the time being so I suppose what I've just written will have to suffice as a short introduction to my life. Enjoy.